Choosing Sympathy Flowers

Thu, 9th Sep 2010 07:25 am
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Choosing Sympathy Flowers

At a time of loss, it can often be difficult to know how to offer emotional support to the family of the deceased. It may be hard to express feelings with words as it is not easy to predict how someone will wish to be treated when in mourning. Someone who is grieving the loss of someone close to them often wants space and time to themselves. It is therefore important to have a gesture that lets people know that others are thinking of them during this sensitive time. The traditional way to offer this sign of compassion is to send sympathy flowers. It may be appropriate for the family to advise mourners to send flowers to a centralised location, such as the family home.

Sympathy flowers are not solely for sending condolences to the family. It is also appropriate to send flowers to people who looked after the deceased before they died as a sign of thanks. This may include hospital staff or care workers.

The history of sympathy flowers

Evidence collected in the Shanidar cave in northern Iraq suggests that laying flowers was part of the Neanderthal man's burial ritual, dating back over 60 000 years. At a time of death, flowers have been used to acknowledge the heartache felt during a mourning period. They can also be used as a reminder of how fragile and transient life can be.

Meaning of sympathy flowers

Carnations are a popular choice for funeral flowers and are the most popular flower in the UK. The carnation symbolises admiration and love. Christian legend has it that as Jesus was put on the cross his mother, Mary shed tears. As they fell to the ground carnations sprang up around her. Therefore the carnation has become the symbol for a Mother's love. Lilies are a traditional mourning flower which will make a simple and elegant bouquet, it can be used to symbolise purity or everlasting love, the oriental lily is a white flower but other lily species can be very colourful. Roses are a traditional and beautiful choice and they come in large number of colours. A red rose symbolises love. Gerberas are a bright fashionable choice of flower which work well for adding bold colour in a vibrant celebratory funeral service.

Sending flower arrangements to the bereaved

The common arrangements of flowers to send in sympathy to a grieving family are:

Bouquets: A bouquet is arguably the form of arrangement that is most often given.
Baskets: A basket is a pretty alternative to the bouquet. It may be a good choice if you are sending flowers to a nursing home or hospital as a mark of thanks
Flowers in a vase: A vase adds an extra dimension and demonstrates a little thought with your gift of flowers. This may be a welcome practical addition as the family will be receiving a large number of bouquets at this time.
Tied Sheafs: A bundle of flowers that is loosely tied with a ribbon.

Any of the above would be appropriate to send to the family home. Sending flowers is a reflection of the way that you are feeling. It is therefore important to choose them based upon the way you feel. The most important thing to remember is to make the arrangement personal to you. For example a tied sheaf is a relaxed but traditional arrangement and a basket or vase offers a good opportunity for a personal touch. The flowers can be elaborate or simple depending on what you think is appropriate to you, the deceased and to the family. You may also wish to consider the advantages of silk flowers. They are durable and thus offer a lasting tribute.

Floral tributes for the funeral

On the day of the funeral, flowers can be used to decorate the following:

The funeral car: wreaths and named tributes can be used to decorate the hearse. They sit in the window of the funeral car. The coffin can be decorated with a coffin spray, which can be small and simple, or elaborate and covering the whole of the coffin.
The funeral service: the church or crematorium is made more personal by adding bouquets and baskets to compliment the coffin spray as it is brought in. The choice of flowers for the venue should be used to reflect the way in which the deceased would wish to be remembered. This can be reflected by the colour and design of the arrangements.
The cemetery: flowers that can be used to adorn the grave can be unstructured such as a sheaf tied with a ribbon. Or, if more suitable, a more formal floral tribute can be given such as a wreath or a heart. Silk flowers represent a durable alternative to traditional arrangements.

The flowers used on the day of a funeral may have to be moved many times during the day as the service and cortege progresses, finally coming to rest at the cemetery. Silk flowers are a good choice as they are more durable than their live counterparts and better able to withstand the rigours of the day, becoming a lasting tribute at the graveside.

Giving sympathy flowers is a way of articulating hard-to-express feelings when someone has died. They allow us to let others know that we are thinking of them and that we share in their loss. The choice of flowers is, therefore, highly personal. When considering which flowers to choose the type, colour and meaning of a certain type of flower can be factors to take into consideration. Choose a silk arrangement if a long lasting token of sympathy is desired and consider them in the context of their durability and the repeated moves of most funerals.